Urban Dictionary Word of the Day

Today's word of the day is my Monday through Thursday. Don't get me wrong, I love being clean and fresh, but when I go to class, I could care less what the 500 asians think of me. 2 squirts of cologne, some deodorant, a piece of gum, and a fresh t-shirt...

**NOTE: I do not condone mexican showers as they will leave you smelling like a dirty mexican with too much cologne on. You have been warned.

Public Service Announcement

We are no longer using the word 'Hither' in society. It looks too much like 'Hitler' and you wouldn't want people thinking you HATE THE JEWS, would you?? That mistake could burdon you and prevent you from getting jobs etc. Instead of 'Hither' we will use 'ere deer,' such as "C'Mere Deer!" Please make note of this in your personal dictionaries and iPhones.

Microwavable brownies are the crack of our generation

Not sure if you've ever seen a microwavable brownie before but basically, its a small plastic bowl, some chocolate powder, and some frosting. Those are the only 3 ingredients you need for instant orgasm.

From the beginning, you may be doubting me. I doubted this shit myself at first. The picture on the box looks absolutely disgusting. The contents of the package look like something you'd get in an easy bake oven, and finally, does anything ever taste good when it's made in the microwave?

So basically, microwavable brownies suck. You add the powder to the bowl, add 1 tablespoon of water. Yeah, thats like a drop of water in a sea of chocolatey chemicals. You mix and mix thinking, "theres no fucking way this will work." All of a sudden, you blink and the magic powder has turned into a creamy batter in the bowl. Cool, one step worked. Time for the microwave, which will never work. Only 30 seconds. You can't cook a pizza bite in 30 seconds, let alone a freshly risen and baked brownie. The microwave beeps and the contents of the bowl look like shit. Not like bad, like actual shit.

But then you dig in, and instantly see that this product was created by a fucking wizard. Yes, you are probably eating wizard droppings, but hey it's ok, wizards are cool and we are welcoming of their magic tricks.

And hell, if you're short on time, just snort the powder by itself and prepare for a good night...

I think I'm going to just leave this here...

Cleveland: A city of thugs

Cleveland is an interesting place. It's been said that the city is dying, people are leaving for opportunities elsewhere. I am one of the largest Cleveland advocates there are. I think Dan Gilbert is god and will rebuild this city, the Cavs will win a championship, people will flock to the casinos...its going to happen.

There's nothing like walking around downtown, enjoying our cityscape, taking in the landmarks...until you see your first person. Cleveland is filled with fucking thugs. Retarded ass uneducated thugs. I look at the people and am like damn, is Cleveland really so bad that every normal person has been scared away? Not only is Cleveland filled with thugs, every outcast Jersey Shore member comes out at night. Where the fuck do these people live?? I don't see them during the day, its like they crawled up from the ground. These fucking guido douchebags with their trashy ass women should be sent to a god damn island and given one clean t-shirt to fight over.



After seeing first hand the types of people I would be forced to work, live, party, and hang out with, I have decided I no longer will be "enjoying" Cleveland. I will always have my Cleveland pride, I will always root for their sports teams, but god damnit, if I see another DJ Pauly Doucher, I will kill someone.

Tater Treats

A couple of things:

1. I'm an awkward person. I always end up thanking people or saying 'you too' even if it doesn't fit, which it never does. Like today, I was putting groceries away and this very sad looking woman asked me if I had any dollars. I had none, and told her that, and she says "oh...ok..." after which I promptly said "thanks!" right in her face. I also say "thanks, you too" to servers when they tell me to enjoy my meal."

2. When in the grocery store a couple of days ago, this old hunchbacked woman was so pissed off at the cans of peas. She was standing in front of the shelf mumbling fuck over and over. I laughed.

Fuck me.

Yes, I'm that jackass who leaves my christmas lights up until May. And you know why? Cause fuck it, I don't care. If anyone has a problem with that you can bring it up with the management **COUGH*COUGH*NICKLUX*COUGH. More posts are on the way but in the mean time, I gotta catch my flight to Bel-Air...